Posted by De Brown Streak sends birthday kisses to Troia. Please don't kill me. on February 02, 2001 at 16:31:34:
Troia’s Birthday Thing, part IX
And the mysterious stranger is… De Brown Streak! (What, you think I’m going to pass up a chance to star in my own chapter? I mean come on, it’s not like I rate top billing anywhere else, right? Right.) DBS: “Hold it there, Hood! You may have poisoned the Lair Legion, stolen ManMan’s clothes, and be about to force Troia into a marriage she isn’t ready for, but you forgot one thing!” ManMan: “Er… actually he didn’t steal my clothes. See, there was this cake full of whipped cream, right, and…” Knifey: “=snicker=” The Hooded Hood looks at DBS and speaks in his scariest voice, saying: “Forgotten something? I?” DBS: “Yes! You forgot that only someone who has either beaten or been beaten by an Amazon in combat can marry her. It’s in all the Wonder Woman comics. And ManMan here has never done either.” Knifey: “Well, I don’t know. They seem to wrestle an awful lot.” Troia and ManMan say together: “Knifey!” ManMan looks worriedly at green glowing eyes of the Hooded Hood. “We were… just practising crimefighting techniques. Honestly.” Troia: “If that’s how you deal with criminals I’m surprised you don’t have a lot of lawsuits for illegal arrests, ManMan!” DBS: “But the point is that ManMan can’t marry Troia because of the Amazon law. So there.” The Hooded Hood laughs a villain laugh. “You assume that ManMan is to be the person on whom I bestow my daughter, Clement. You are wrong.” ManMan: “Hey, I’m off the hook.” Then he sees Troia’s face, and quickly adds, “which is a real shame, of course. Damn.” DBS, seeing his secret ID vanish over the horizon: “Huh? I don’t get it then. I thought…” The Hood: “You Joshua Clement, on the other hand, did once subdue almost all the Lair Legion including my daughter while you were working for the Enthrallress, which makes you eligible to claim her.” Troia: “Hey, don’t I get _any_ say in this? This birthday party is really starting to suck.” DBS: “As much as I don’t mind being hooked up to a hot Amazon chick I’m not going to do anything without her consent, dammit.” ManMan: “And Troia’s my almost-sometimes-girlfriend, also dammit.” The Hooded Hood gestures, and De Brown Streak gasps as his old enemy, the never-before-mentioned Josiah M’Tuba, the Voodoo Vicar, prowls from the shadows with a service book in his hand. The Hooded Hood almost smiles. “Of course it is entirely you choice, young people. You are entirely free not to wed, Troia. Of course, then I cannot retcon the lethal poison from the Lair Legions’ bodies as a wedding gift, nor prevent the destruction of the world as you know it which will occur if my daughter is not wed on her 21st birthday, but that it entirely up to you.” He turns to DBS, ManMan, and Troia. “Your choice.”